I was at at blog recently, this wonderful women of the L-rd was talking about forgiveness and how hard it is to forgive people in whom we have issues. How we have to deal with gross injustices on a consistant bases, ones that keep on hurting us over and over without repentance or they have repented maybe not to are liking and so they keep on doing the same thing over and over.
The Ruach HaKodesh (Holy Spirit) reminded of a time in my life when he told me to forgive my father for not staying in touch with us.
The story starts when I was 4 years old, my parents were young... very young. My father was in the Navy, my mother and father had three children by the age of 21.
They decided to divorce for what ever reason (young comes to mind), my father stayed on the east coast and she went back to west coast to live with my grandparents. My mother was married 5 times in the coarse of her life and one of those men molested me and my older sister when we were young. I always thought that had I had my father then all these bad things wouldn't of happened to us, we would have been safe, and we wouldn't have had to go through all my mothers disfunctions. Eighteen years later my father wanted to be apart of my life... as for me it was to late to be saved I thought I was doing just fine on my own or was I?... you have to know that this didn't go over real big. I never had any communication with him at all and I didn't want to.
I accepted Yeshua at the age of 14 and then came into a deeper relationship with our Savior at the age of 36 the Ruach HaKodesh(Holy Spirit) started talking very loudly, he wanted me to forgive my father and go and see him which was not in my plans at all. He then proceded to give me dreams and visions, scripture from the word as well as my pastor. The Ruauch HaKodesh told me I could not move to the next level of ministry until I made this right.
One of the dreams he gave me was me in the airport, I was waiting to come home from my fathers house and nothing had change, I had not forgiven him and actually hated him even more than I did before I left.
After getting in contact with my father and setting a time for me to go, I started to pray that the trip would be fruitful and that the enemy would not have this victory.
I had been taught that dreams and visions given by G-d were meant to change things. Well I prayed and pray for the month prior to my leaving, wanting things to be resolve between us... however it wasn't. I came home the same as I went and even worse.
My mother had passed away at the age of 58 just months prior to me going. My father was not repentant and did alot of mother bashing and oh poor me while I was their. I now know it was out of his own hurt for losing his girls. But I really didn't want to hear that at the time. I told him that even though my mom had done some terrible things at least she never abandonded us! It was horrible... I was coming home the same way I had left! I kept saying that if I met him on the street I would never want to know him. I hated him that much, I do relize that hate is a strong word but that is truly the only way to describe it.
The Holy Spirt told me that I needed to start blessing my father, because his word said so. I said NO! We wrestled back and forth for days, then I decided to start blessing him not because I wanted to but out of obediance. Yeshua had died and shed His blood to make it possible. It wasn't two day's later that I found myself truly longing for my earthly father, the one I had hated so much I now was crying on the phone and asking him to let me come back so we could try again, and so I turned right back around and flew back. This time all was different, the walls came down. Yeshua is truly the repairer of the breached!
I can't say it was all roses but we began to dialoge. It has been 10 years since then and I couldn't love my father any more than I do... at least I don't think so.
My father never changed... it was my obediance to the Father of light that changed my heart. G-d asks us to bless those who persecute us; bless and do not curse. Romans 12:14
Blessing my enemies has always turned my heart from stone to a heart of flesh!
How about yours?
